You might be CRUNCHY if…

  1. You refuse to eat the homemade, organic, locally sourced granola in the glass jar because it has a PLASTIC LID.
  2. You’ve given up tampons and figured compressed compost might be a more natural choice.
  3. You are constantly making changes and reading articles about food.
  4. You’ve given birth in a bath tub… on purpose.
  5. Your “medicine cabinet” is full of Essential Oils and herbs.
  6. You know what family cloth is.
  7. You’ve tried No Poo.
  8. You make your own deodorant, toothpaste, body butter or shampoo.
  9. You make any DIY body care products
  10. You take yard eggs and raw milk with you when you go on vacation.
  11. When people give you birthday gifts, they wrap them in reusable shopping bags.
  12. They just give you reusable bags.
  13. You drink that kombucha that you left a little too long and is a little too strong because, darn it,  you put the effort into making it.
  14. When someone is bleeding you run to the spice cabinet for cayenne or turmeric.
  15. When you constantly look at plants wherever you are to see what jewel could be harvested.
  16. You won’t put anything on your body you wouldn’t eat.
  17. You squirt breast milk in your kids eye to clean an eye infection.
  18. You know what tandem nursing is.
  19. Your bathroom shelves are full of kitchen ingredients (bonus if you know what oil cleansing is!!!).
  20. You voluntarily put solid, gunky coconut oil in your mouth and swish for 20 minutes every morningwhile using hand gestures to communicate with your family as to WHY you can’t talk (yet, they CONTINUE to engage in conversation with you – every single day).
  21. You use patchouli or other essential oils instead of perfume.
  22. Your two year old asks for a “towel” when things get messy at meal time, because he has no idea what a paper towel is.
  23. You have cabinets devoted to mason jars.
  24. You aren’t afraid of your raw milk going bad, because you have a list of things to do with it.
  25. Your pantry has no boxes, just jars, bags and bins of ingredients.
  26. Your answer to every ailment is coconut oil, breastmilk, garlic or apple cider vinegar.
  27. When conversation slows down at a dinner party, you show off your latest ferments and tell people what a scoby is (whether they asked or not).
  28. Your most recent online purchase included any of the following: kefir grains, bentonite clay, tumeric root, beeswax pellets, yogurt starter, cheese making kits, coconut oil, grass-fed gelatin or  sea salt.
  29. You brush your dogs teeth with coconut oil, and give them bone broth with their grass-fed beef raw food.
  30. Friends and family call you witch doctor, forest fairy, tree hugger, shaman, Dr Jones, and texts you pictures of chicken feet (crunchy porn?). Even your doctor says you’ve earned an honorary MD.
  31. You tell your child “No fermented cod liver oil until you finish your dinner!”
  32. You eat and use coconut oil at EVERY opportunity.
  33. Your kids not only regularly and loudly judge other people’s grocery choices (one of the challenges of raising healthy kids).
  34. Your kids are always screaming at you for either raw milk, water kefir, or kombucha and every single bath of theirs they request Epsom salts, Bentonite or a combo of both.
  35. Your counters look a little like a science lab because of all the things you are fermenting.
  36. You know how to properly prepare your grains (if you even eat grains at all).
  37. You know your local farmer or are part of a co-op.
  38. You are a ingredient list detective.
  39. You compost, garden or own any farm animals.
  40. You use cloth diapers. Or you would use cloth diapers if you had kids.
  41. You know the definitions grass-fed, free range, pastured, organic and cage free.
  42. You are so over anything fat free.
  43. You have rendered lard.
  44. You know what soap nuts are and how to use them.
  45. Your favorite snacks contain either grass fed gelatin or coconut oil.
  46. You know how to make bone broth or stock and have done it recently.
  47. You have ever asked the butcher or farmer for “spare parts”.
  48. Your kids recognize obscure vegetables (but grocery store clerks don’t).
  49. You know who Weston A Price is.
  50. You debate yourself before every birthday party whether to make your guests the food your usually eat.

If you do at least 20 of these keep up the good work.

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